(posted with permission)
Mamarevolution.com was started in early winter 2004 by four young mamas who needed a place where they belonged. Too young and alternative for babycenter and too old for the teen based online communities, they struck out to make a home for mamas who just didn’t fit in anywhere else. After a few nights of brainstorming and women sharing their talents, Mamarevolution.com was born.Mamarevolution is a pro-choice, feminist community who seeks to support, encourage and educate young women and mothers from all backgrounds and cultures. Our goal is to provide the community and support that is so desperately needed as we fight for our rights as parents and women, and to defeat the social stereotypes that surround young or alternative parents. While we promote breastfeeding and natural parenting, we recognize that each family is unique and has their own set of needs and customs. We respect and support all families and their allies in their quest to raise strong, positive and socially conscious children.
I am 29 as of April 17th... the day after my husband & I went and registered for the birth at our local hospital. It's beautiful with the baby being able to room in... our first is due for May 17th or in that region. So, just under a month from giving birth. ( Long StoryCollapse )
Okay, so this has got some TMI; but when has that ever stopped me? I will put it under the cut.I LOVE, L-O-V-E, my Equetro. I have balanced out nicely since upping it last Friday. I'm sleeping better. Heck, there were 2 nights that I didn't even need my sleeping pill. I'm happy again and stable and oh so in love with the world at large. Productivity is back! Clarity is back! ( THERE IS A BIG BUT THOUGHCollapse )
This community seems to have slowed down quite a bit-i just found it and am reading posts like crazy. I just this past week have been coming to terms with the idea that I, too, am bipolar. For a long time I've tried to convince myself it was Asperger's or ADHD or just chronic depression, but last night's long talk with my husband - and the comments made by a few shrinks - have finally made me realize that this is, indeed, what's "wrong" with me. I can see symptoms of this going back to my childhood, before I was even 10 years old. I've been told I was lazy or that "you never finish anything" because of my cycles, which I've always called "waves" - crushing depression, anxiety and paranoia for weeks on end, then one day I'll latch onto some obsessive but rather obscure topic (ancient Japanese pottery, for instance - or art, or writing, or religion - a big one for me) and just fall completely into it for like three months, to the point where I neglect my family and, I'm sorry and embarassed to say, just don't care. I am rather anti-social, in that I am fascinated by humanity and culture and history, but can't stand being around most people for any length of time, and have long had real trouble with relationships. I tried suicide when I was 15, due to an abusive, neglectful home situation and then my boyfriend dumped me. At the age of 19 or 20, I started "self-medicating" with alcohol and cannabis and kept that up pretty much daily for 15 years - but unlike your typical "stoner," I finished a BA in 3 years and finished grad school with a 3.8 GPA. I was in gifted classes as a kid, but had a hard time being motivated, plus all the horrific crap I dealt with socially, trying to avoid being beat up on a daily basis by kids who always said I looked at them funny or something. I, too, get very emotionally reactive, freak out, have panic attacks which started after a sexual assault when I was 11, and basically my whole family thinks I'm just a "trouble-maker" or something. We are not close, and the fact that I'm adopted made it worse. I've been on and off antidepressants for the last 10 years, and always kept smoking pot to keep myself "evened out." Now that I've quit that - six weeks this coming Monday - I spiralled into the worst depression I've had in many years, and even considered suicide again. But now I have a family of my own, and I just couldn't do that to them, so I finally got back into therapy and meds (Celexa and Klonapin). I also would've made a good superhero - I get so upset at perceived injustices in the world, I get sick, and have to stop myself from reading the news too much. Once I became convinced that I'd discovered a way to reconcile Buddhism and Christianity, and if I could just get the word out, I could revolutionize and revitalize Xianity again, and make so many people happy and at peace...guess I thought I was Joan of Arc or something - haha. I am a writer and artist, and have always kept a journal, which has at least helped when no one else could listen to my rantings. But now that i'm off the pot, my dreams are coming back with a vengeance, and they frighten me. I'm keeping a journal of those, too, so I can analyze them and look for patterns - I'm very big on patterns. I was terrified of this diagnosis when it was first offered to me, because the shrink wanted to put me on Lithium - I was scared to death that it would flatline my personality and kill my creativity, the thing that makes me ME. Fortunately my current therapist isn't pushing for Lithium, but she might suggest something else, and I don't want to be a zombie. I only feel truly safe and at peace when I'm alone in my room or out in nature, preferably woods with big trees, and that doesn't happen often enough now that I live in a desert. I am lucky to have an extremely understanding and supportive husband - THANK GOD. He accepts me the way I am, and figured out I was bipolar before I did, because I was resistant to the idea and scared of it. Now I'm finally resigning myself to it, but have so many questions, and feel another hypomanic phase coming on. I know this forum doesn't get much traffic lately, but I hope someone will reply to my post here. I really need to connect with others like me and give me some hope and advice. I have a young son and am concerned he may end up just like me. I want to protect him from me sometimes - I'm not a mean person, but I get easily overwhelmed sometimes, and flash back to traumatic things I experienced as a child. I love him with all my heart, and try to be the best mother I can possibly be, because I know what it's like to grow up with out affection or understanding. I may cross post this to another community if I find one I'm interested in. I hope I hear from someone out there who can offer me some help/hope/insight. Thanks for listening.
In September my Dr. changed my meds around and I was finally stable for the first time in my life. The last four months have been the best time of my life. I've truly been a very happy person. Content with life and what it has to offer me - and what I have to offer it. I found a new sense of confidence and self-respect that I'd never had before. I was the person that had been hiding in the recesses of my psyche all my life and couldn't come out to play because all the other crap was pushing it down and beating it up, like kids on a playground. But finally that person emerged victoriously. She faced down demons that had been hurting her all her life and she won the war!!! SHE WON THE WAR!Now, it's back to playing lab rat again. I am so frustrated and angry about this. It is beyond my understanding how a drug that I'd been on for nearly a year could suddenly decide to wreack havoc with my body and cause tongue sores so painful that I had to stop taking it. Slowly I back down off of it. And then when I quit taking it altogether, BAM! Okay, not bam. It started slowly and picked up steam over the course of the week. I became a raving lunatic yesterday. I was losing control left and right. I felt rage like I haven't felt in almost 2 years. Yes, I have come a long way because I was able to recognize the feeling and reign it in before I acted on it - except for the occasional outburst of yelling. But it was hard, it was very hard. At times I thought I should have been locked up - so did John. But I wouldn't let him touch me and there was no way I was going anywhere of my own volition. Right at this moment I am okay. I am a bit sad and angry and frustrated. I am so upset because I have to go back to playing lab rat. I don't know how the new mood stabilizer is going to work. Lamictal was the first one to work for me. Now it is a NEW mood stabilizer - and I do mean NEW in every sense of the word. So new that the pharmacy doesn't even stock it yet. Is this good or bad? I feel as if I am being punished for something. Why was I allowed to experience that "normalcy" for four months only to have it RIPPED from me so obscenely?I have a million questions floating around inside of me. This has made me even more determined to find a way to more actively advocate for bipolar. I don't know how that is going to be - if it is through research or participation in different things...I'm just not sure...but somehow there has to be a way and I will find it.x-posting
Bi-polar, 34, mama to a 6yo Aspie (Asperger's Syndrome) boy, and almost 11month cutiepootieboy.I've only been half-ass diagnosed by various psychologists over the years, but I'm classic bi-polar, and sometimes I think I'm absolutely frikken nuts. I hope my kids don't grow up thinking I'm a total whackjob.I'm on a very low dose of Welbutrin right now since I'm breastfeeding, and I think I'd like to look into an anti-anxiety med as well (any suggestions?). Mostly I joined because I'm interested in reading about everyone's cycling, wanting to compare it to my own to see how extreme I might be. I probably should see a psychiatrist one of these days, eh?Anyway, "Hi".ETA: It didn't occur to me when I made my intro to list the ADs I've tried...Welbutrin (currently)ZoloftProzacCelexaSerafemPaxilOne or two that I can't remember the names of, but if I remember I'll edit them in
My doctor started me on Zoloft about a week ago, and I've admittedly missed a couple of days of it (between exhaustion, depression and taking care of Corbin - let's just say it's been hectic). Anyways, I was wondering if anybody had experienced major mood-cycling? Today I have gone from depressed, to agitated, to hyper in maybe a half hour, if not less than that.It's really bothering me (and my family - since they're getting the brunt of it all), and I was just wondering if this is "normal" for bipolar/Zoloft users? I'm also on Neurontin for the mood swings, but I don't know what's going on. Normally I'm not like this, and it's kind of taken me off-guard. :(
I think its about time to update you all on the current happenings of my so called life. Things here in the reproductive world are swimming right along. On January 7th (today), Auntee Red decided to show her face. This is good because on cycle day five I get to begin my first dosage of the Clomid in hopes of getting pregnant. Hopefully we will concieve the first time around. God this is a dream we have wanted for so long; I hope that it comes true. So fingers crossed and send us some baby dust.Our 22 month (on the 8th of Jan) is doing great and is one smart cookie. Ill enclose a picture just so you can see her. Ill update more soon but until then...xoxJenn( Click 4 PicturesCollapse )